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Love Words

This Valentine’s Day will be the 26th one that Robyn and I have spent together, which means nearly half of the Valentine’s Days I’ve celebrated over my lifetime have been with her. Since that first one in 1998 to this one, we have done a lot of living and loving. (I would say laughing, too, but that’s took close to the old “Live, Laugh, Love” thing we saw everywhere in the late 1990’s.) And with all that living and loving (and laughing, too), we’ve discovered a few words that seem to bubble up the most when we think of love.

Some of them are obvious, and if you’ve been with someone for any length of time, you’ve probably used them: honey, lover, sweetheart. I may throw in a darling via text once in awhile, but we use those words to refer to each other than we ever do our actual names. When one of us is calling for the other from another part of the house, we don’t call out “ROBYN!” or “DUANE!” unless we are mad. First names like that are usually reserved for the less loving moments. If she needs me to come to the kitchen, I will usually hear “Honey, can you come here?” If I need her to come to the bedroom, she will usually hear, “Dearest darling of my desire, come hither to me!”

Needless to say, that doesn’t really work.

Some of the love words we’ve learned over the last 26 years are not quite as obvious. They aren’t terms of endearment, used in hushed tones in the most romantic settings. They are words that show we’ve learned that falling in love is easy, but staying in love–well, that takes work.

Forgiveness. Grace. Mercy. These are important love words, because sometimes the sweetheart is a jerk. Sometimes the lover isn’t very lovable. Sometimes the honey is a bitter pill to swallow. In the moments when life is tough and arguments arise, the loving words we need most are not words of affection or desire. They are words that offer something bigger and greater than anything we thought of when we first looked at each other after work one day at the Disney Store and thought, “Hey, she’s beautiful!” and “Hey, he’s not as dorky as I thought he was!”

Love words this time of year are everywhere. We see them on cards, chocolates, chalk-like candy hearts, balloons, billboards, pop-up ads. Everywhere you look, you’ll see words of love, reflecting all the wonderful, everyday, somewhat fleeting aspects of love. You won’t see a balloon that says, “You’ve given me more grace than I could ever deserve!” You won’t find a box of chocolates inscribed with “Thank you for your ineffable forgiveness, because I know how very badly I have hurt you over the years!”

In a world that claims to want to “be real,” that kind of reality sucks for a holiday sentiment. But it sure makes a difference when you really, truly, love someone.

So, this Valentine’s Day, I will call my dearest darling of a wife all the mushy lovey names I can think of. But I will also make sure she knows that the love words that will get us through another 26 years aren’t super romantic. They don’t look good on a Hallmark card. But heartfelt apologies, honesty and truth, grace and mercy, forgiveness unmerited–these are the love words that have helped us get this far.

And if you put them into everyday practice, they become more than words. They become a way of life. They become your reality. And then you finally understand why people say love is work. Because it takes work to offer an apology, to give forgiveness–to understand grace.

But that is what makes it love.

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3 Rules Every Family Should Live By

Since our eldest was born 23 years ago, Robyn and I have realized there are many things people say children should learn, many things parents should focus on to ensure their kids turn out great, to have a happy family.  We’ve tried a few of them. Some of them have worked, but many of them have been real stinkers.

We’ve done our best.  We’ve had some highs, and we’ve had some lows.  We don’t focus a lot on grades, we don’t sign up for a lot of extracurricular activities.  We may have yelled more than we meant to, and I’m pretty sure we’ve frustrated our kids’ teachers more than once with those middle of the school year vacations.

Yet, in spite of our mistakes, I’m told quite often, “You have great kids,” or “Your family always seems to have so much fun.”  I like that.  I love it when someone compliments my children and says nice things about them.  It means a lot to me when someone notices the smiles on our faces.  As a parent, we know all the ways our kids screw up, so when someone stops and says something nice, it makes me stop.  When they compliment our family, it makes me pause and wonder–maybe we’re doing something right?

Recently, I think I discovered what weare doing right. In our flawed but fun way of doing things, I think we’ve hit on the right formula for having a great family, and some pretty good kids.  Here are our family’s three rules.  I’m hopeful these will work for you, too.

Rule #1: Create memories.  Wherever you can.  Whenever you can.

Whether it’s a National Park, a trip to Disneyland, or just dressing up like pirates for free donuts–memories are a lasting gift we can give our kids that will outlast us.  Do we go to Disneyland a lot?  Yep.  Have we worn out vehicles by driving on long road trips to National Parks across the West?  You bet.  You can save a lot of money, have a great plan for retirement, and have nicer things.  But I’d really rather have the memories, because these will stick with me–and them–for the rest of our lives.  Because of these memory-making adventures, we’ve created an incredible familial bond.  The bonus?  We actually like being together.

Rule #2: Serve others.  Individually. Collectively.

As a former pastor, my kids were always stuck at church.  A lot.  This could have been a cause of resentment, or it could turn into a way to help my kids discover ways they can make a difference in the life of someone else.  When we serve others, we get the focus off ourselves and start thinking about others.  Whether it’s leading worship, teaching preschoolers, or serving at camp, they’ve all spent a huge part of their lives serving others.  There’s nothing better than seeing them leading kids younger than themselves, and finding ways to use their talents for the good of someone else.  And to be honest, my favorite moments in ministry were those days when we all get to do it together.

Rule #3: Show honor.  At home.  At school.  Everywhere.

We are all inherently selfish people, and we all naturally think of ourselves first.  When we focus on honoring others first, in our words and actions, we remember that “It’s not all about me.”  We have used an honor chart to keep track of whether we are acting honorably or not (even the parents), and it really helps us put others first.  We try to ask–is what I’m about to do honoring? Does this response or action show that I think highly of and care for someone else? If we can teach our kids to live and act and speak honorably to others, then we will have done something good for the world.

There you have it.  Our three family rules.  If you do #2 and #3 right, go out and celebrate, which leads you back to #1.  Repeat as often as possible.

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3 Things Every Dad Should Do

What’s interesting in the lead up to the big moment of parenthood is that you learn all about how to have a baby.  You learn how to breathe, what happens at the hospital, all the options for pain management. How to have a baby is a big deal, sure.

But nobody tells you how to be a parent.  Maybe because the process for giving birth is much more straightforward. It’s a series of events that are pretty predictable after thousands of years of human existence. But parenting? Honestly, it’s anything goes.  We all agree on the basics of having a baby, but how to ensure that baby turns into a good human adult? Opinions vary.

23 years ago, Robyn and I became parents. And we have done everything we can possibly do to ensure our oldest child–and the three that followed–are turning out okay. But it’s a struggle every single day, even as they get older and you realize that your roles and responsibilities change through the years. The tactics that worked with a two year old are not as effective on that same girl as a 16 year old. The troubles your 13 year old faces are much different than the ones your “adult” kids have, and yet you still have a responsibility to them. After all, you made them. It’s your fault they are here.

I was thinking about this as I talked to a younger dad I work with this week. He said, “You’ve been a parent forever,” which I took to mean I have experience, and not that I’m old, “what do you think are the big things I should do as a dad? How can I not screw up my kids?”

That’s the big goal, right? I honestly just hope that everything we’ve done as parents didn’t screw my kids up. I will find out someday when they hit therapy and tell me, “Hey, Daddy, we need to talk.”

So, based on my limited experience over 23 years, four kids, and a lot of incredible partnership from my wife, here are three things I think every dad should do to ensure he doesn’t screw up his kids.

  1. EMBRACE EVERY MOMENT AND CREATE EVERY MEMORY. We have eschewed a lot of the nicer things in life in the pursuit of creating moments and memories with our kids. We will drop what is “important” for the sake of the moment. Sure, a school report has to get done, but why not go enjoy Free Slurpee Day?  Why buy the expensive furniture (that you have to yell at them to keep clean) when you could use that money to go on a road trip, stay in a hotel, and eat at a restaurant with swings in Durango, Colorado?  Your kids are only going to be with you for a little while. Go do all the things you can, take all the pictures you can.  Your bank account may not be full, but your heart will be–and they will place an importance on making memories with their own kids someday.  That’s a legacy you want to give them, because it shows them they matter more than your stuff and more than your money.
  2. HAVE HARD CONVERSATIONS. This is not always easy. When you see your kids making unwise choices, step up and say so. Don’t expect them to be perfect, give them room to fail. But when they make choices that will hurt them in the future, remember: you are the parent. You aren’t there to be their pal. I’ve had to talk to my kids about sex, porn, drugs, drinking. I’ve had to confront them on bad attitudes and disrespect. I’ve had to talk about responsibility and initiative, confront them on plagiarism and cheating. And be honest–if you’ve screwed up in some of these ways, let them know and explain why you aren’t going to let them fail in the same ways.  Create a place where honesty is rewarded and truth (even when it’s difficult) shines.
  3. RESPECT AND HONOR THEIR MOTHER.  This is certainly true for married couples raising their kids, but it’s also true if you’re divorced or separated.  You and your children’s mother may not agree all the time. You will fight and you will have moments where you don’t like each other. But when you model respect and honor, you teach your daughters to expect to be treated that way, and you teach your sons to treat other women that way.  I wish I was perfect at this, and I know Robyn does, too. But I try hard to disagree with honor and avoid hurtful or disrespectful words or actions to my wife because I value the relationships my kids will have with their spouses someday. As a Christian, I take to heart Paul’s admonition that as a husband, I need to love my wife as Christ loved the church–which means giving myself up for her. Honoring and respecting her is a gift I give not only to the woman I love, but to the kids who love her as well.

After 23 years of fatherhood, is that all?  No.  You’ll notice I didn’t say here are the ONLY three things you should do as a dad.  And these may not even be the top three, just the three that came to mind this week.  I’m sure we could write a book about the things we’ve learned about parenting four incredibly unique and different children (and maybe we will).

But in the meantime, try these things out with your kids. Be the kind of dad your children need you to be. Try these three things today and see what a difference they make in your family.

Embrace every moment. Don’t be afraid to confront. Show as much honor as possible.

3 Things Parents Can Do to Help Their Kids Succeed (Part 1 of 3)

A decade ago, my job as a dad meant driving kids to auditions, helping write essays, and making sure the youngest one ate something besides mac and cheese. Today, it feels more like I’m juggling streaming account passwords and student loan calculators while making sure we get time together at least once a week.

But one thing hasn’t changed since my kids were little: they still need me to show up. Not perfectly, but purposefully. As a father of four (now mostly grown) kids, I’ve learned a few things. Many of them the hard way.

And if I could go back and whisper something to 30-something-year-old me, it might sound like this list. It’s my personal Top Ten List of Things Parents Can Do to Help Their Children Succeed (or, how to raise kids that don’t suck). Today, the first three things I believe every parent can do to help their kids grow into strong, grounded, capable adults:

1. Be Present.

Not perfect. Present. Put down your phone. Pause the show. Look your kids in the eye and be there. It doesn’t always have to be a deep talk or a big moment. Sometimes just sitting in the same room while he rambles about what he did with his friends on Minecraft or what happened to her during her shift at Starbucks is enough.

They may not remember everything you said. But they’ll remember you were there.

2. Pray for Them. (And Let Them Hear You.)

Prayer isn’t a last resort. It’s the lifeline. Pray for their friendships, their decisions, their future spouses (or for the spouse of the one who is already married), their hearts. But also, let them hear you. A whispered blessing before you go to bed or a quick prayer before you send them off to work tells them two things: 1) God is real, and 2) You believe He’s involved in their story.

There’s something deeply anchoring about knowing your parents pray for you. It’s something they’ll carry into adulthood, and hopefully into parenthood themselves. (As someone who heard his parents pray for him, I’m telling you–this really matters.)

3. Say “I’m Sorry.”

Want to raise kids who own their mistakes and live with integrity? Model it. Say “I was wrong” when you mess up. Ask forgiveness. You won’t lose authority. You’ll gain trust. And you’ll teach them that grace lives where honesty does.

Kids don’t need flawless parents. They need humble ones. And they need you to do this as often as you mess up. Own it. Apologize for it. And don’t do it again.

These three may seem simple, but they lay a foundation for something lasting. I’ll be back next Friday with the next three on the list, so stay tuned. And if one of these hits home today, let me know which one and why. I’d love to hear your story too.

Love is the Tuesdays

Some weeks don’t feel especially extraordinary.

There’s no big victory to post about, no major announcement, no milestone crossed. Just another stretch of ordinary days. You know the ones. The days that are filled with errands, half-finished to-do lists, check-in texts, and figuring out what to make for dinner.

And yet, I keep being reminded that this is where we truly find love.

This past week, I’ve had to show up. In quiet ways, not loud ones.
For a family member who needed a word of encouragement.
For coworkers who were feeling stressed.
For my wife, who needed me just to be there as she recovered.

No podiums. No crowds. Just presence.

And what I’m learning (again) is that being present isn’t a lesser version of making a difference. On the contrary, it’s the foundation. Being present is where making a difference begins.

Being there.
Staying in it.
Listening longer.
Taking time to rest.
Folding the laundry.
Driving someone to work–or staying up late to make sure they get home okay.
Giving grace to someone who is giving themselves far too little.

That’s God’s work, my friends. That’s obedience. That’s love.

Not because it’s flashy, but because it’s faithful. Every single time we are present in someone else’s lives, we are doing what He always does. Every single day He is faithful. Every. Single Day.

I know that God must look at all of these things that we think are small or unimpressive or mundane, and it makes Him smile. He wants to remind us that these little moments are just as important as the big moments. As a song I love says, “Love isn’t the best days or the worst days: love is the Tuesdays.”

Tuesday. Not the start of the week. Not the middle. Not the weekend, and usually not the most important day of the week. It’s what you do on those days, those unimportant days, that shows how much you love.

So, if you’re feeling tired, if you’re wondering whether you’ve done enough, if you’ve shown up again this week and it still feels like not much. Ask yourself this: is this the best day? Is this the worst day?

Probably not. If it feels like a Tuesday, unimportant and mundane, then it’s love.

When You Can’t Be Everything, Be Present

Over the last 27 years of life, I’ve tried to be everything. The strong one (but I should work out more). The calm one (but I have high blood pressure). The wise one (but I act foolishly too often). The one with the answers (as long the questions are about Disney).

I’ve tried to be the dependable husband, the intentional dad, the faithful follower of Jesus, the guy who never quite runs out of energy, patience, or time. But, in all honesty, that version of me simply doesn’t exist.

Because real life has this way of pushing past our ideal versions of ourselves and calling us into something far more honest: Presence.

Not perfection.
Not performance.
Not carrying it all.

Just showing up. Heart open. Willing to listen. Willing to be shaped.
Willing to trust God in the middle of life’s mess.

If you’re a dad (or a mom), there’s a quiet kind of pressure that builds when we care deeply about the people we love. We want to provide, lead, protect, guide. And we should, because those are good, noble, beautiful things.

But they were never meant to rest entirely on our shoulders.

Most of my life, I’ve felt the subtle weight of trying to do too much. Not necessarily in my schedule (I may have a bit too much free time), but in my spirit. You know what I mean. It’ that mental pressure that says, “You can’t mess up. You can’t miss a step. You have to hold it all together for everyone.”

And maybe that resonates with you too.

The truth is: we weren’t designed to be everything. That job’s already taken.

Jesus said it this way: “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” — Matthew 11:28-29 (NLT)

We’re not called to carry it all. We’re called to walk closely with the One who already promised that He would. So here’s the shift I’m working on: Not being everything. Just being present.

Present to my family, even when I don’t have the perfect words.
Present to God, even when I don’t feel especially strong or spiritual.
Present in the moment, even when it doesn’t feel remarkable.

Because presence is where my favorite thing—grace—shows up.

And when my kids look back on these years, I don’t think they’ll remember whether I had everything figured out. I think they’ll remember that I kept showing up. That I was there. That I listened. That even if they didn’t need me at the moment, they knew I would always be there.

And honestly, that’s the kind of person I want to be.

Maybe today you feel stretched thin.
Maybe you’re holding more than you can carry.
Let me just remind you: You don’t have to be everything.

You just have to be present. Let grace do the rest.

The Best Moments Are the Ones You Don’t Plan

I used to think the things my kids would remember most were the big things.
The vacations.
The cross-country drives to National Parks.
The walks down Main Street, USA or our first visit to Epcot.
The birthday parties Robyn and I tried to pull off with way too much caffeine and Pinterest inspiration.

In my mind, those would be the kids’ highlight reel moments. The ones I figured we’d all be talking about for years. You know–the ones you bring up at family gatherings or when you watch pictures and reminisce.

But lately, something funny keeps happening.

We’ll be sitting around the table playing a game, or maybe gathered around the fire table on a warm evening, or literally doing the opposite of anything planned, and one of them will say,

“This is one of my favorite moments.”

Uhm. What?

No fast passes? No scenic vistas? No fireworks? Just this? Right here at home?

But the more I think about it, the more I realize they’re right.

It wasn’t a production.

There’s nothing happening in those moments. No plans, no reason for something to be done. It’s just us.

Laughing. Talking. Being silly and honest and not trying to do anything. There’s something about those unscripted moments that settle in deeper than anything we could’ve planned.

And if I’m honest — some of my favorite memories growing up are the same way.

Not the big, expensive trips (though those were awesome).
But the time my dad told my brother and sister and I to hop on our bikes and surprised us with Peanut Buster Parfaits at Dairy Queen. Or the time we made ice cream out of snow way past our bedtime. Those little, sacred, normal things that somehow became unforgettable.

The truth is, most of life isn’t made of highlights.

It’s made of Tuesdays.
Of car rides and conversations.
Of breakfasts.
Of showing up when no one’s watching.
Of just being there.

And that’s where the real stuff lives.

I think God is in those moments.

Not just the mountaintops, but the in-between.
The ordinary places where love shows up and grace does its quiet work.

Jesus didn’t spend every moment performing miracles.
He walked.
He ate.
He asked questions.
He noticed people.

Maybe we don’t need more perfect plans.
Maybe we just need to pay attention to the good things already happening right in front of us.

So here’s my reminder (to myself, mostly):

Keep planning the trips.
Keep celebrating the big stuff.
But don’t underestimate the power of a high stakes game of Uno.
Or a random Tuesday.
Or a giant pizza balloon that brings a smile the rest of the week.

Don’t underestimate the small moments, because those are the moments that stick.

Final thought:

The best moments in life often aren’t wrapped in bows or broadcasted online. They’re quietly unfolding in the background, while you’re just sitting around the fire table on a random Tuesday.

When the Chapter Changes

On Wednesday, I shared this:

“God is writing your story in chapters. He doesn’t write it in sentences. And you’re still in the middle of His story.”

And I meant it, because I’ve lived it.

There have been more than a few times I’ve looked around and wondered, “Is this it? Is my story done?”

And God has said, “No. This is just the end of this chapter.”

Eight of the chapters in my story are the jobs I’ve had since college. Some of them closed gently. Others slammed shut with no warning. One ended because I made a mess of it. But most of them ended because life shifted, people changed, organizations pivoted–or God whispered, “It’s time.”

For a long time, I thought I was doing something wrong.

Because didn’t the real heroes of faith find their “forever place”? Their lifelong calling? Their one big mission? But the older I get, the more I realize God doesn’t just call us to a mission. He calls us to follow Him.

And that means the mission might move. The assignment might change. The chapter might end. Not because we failed, but because we finished what was needed in that season.

My job at The Disney Store?
That’s where I met my amazing wife and started the chapter on marriage.

The pastoral jobs?
They brought this recovering missionary kid—who once vowed never to work in full-time ministry—back to life through storytelling and stagecraft.

A recent job helped me finally move from Washington to California when it was clear God was saying we needed a reset.

Where I’m at today?
It lets me encourage and connect with thousands of people daily. And while it may not super spiritual, it helps me help people discover more about what really matters.

Every job, every stop, every new page? It’s been part of the story God has been writing.

So if you’re staring at a closed chapter today—or feeling like your best days are behind you—I want to offer you this gentle truth:

God is not done.

You are not too late.

The best part of the story is never behind you when God is still writing.

He is a God of movement and meaning.
A God of seasons and stories.
A God who knows exactly how to bring all the chapters together for good.

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.”
—Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

So, take a deep breath. Turn the page.
And #RestMerry knowing grace meets you right where you are.

#GraceintheWild

If you’ve ever felt stuck between chapters, you’re not alone!
Let’s encourage each other—what’s one thing you’ve learned in the “in-between”?

A Little Less Me

Something that I’ve been reflecting on, post- Easter, is the idea of humility.

It’s not my go-to feeling or attribute, and many dear friends and family members may even laugh when they think about me wanting to be more humble. A younger me often struggled with wanting recognition and fame—but the older I get, the more I realize I’d like to forget that and just be more like Jesus.

He traded heaven for earth when He took on human form, serving and sacrificing for our salvation. He washed the feet of his disciples, forgave those who crucified him, and exemplified selflessness in every aspect of his life. Jesus’ humble and servant-hearted attitude during all that happened during His last week of life was a powerful reminder to me of the importance of humility on life’s journey.

Embracing humility means recognizing our own limitations and our need for God’s grace. It requires being compassionate and understanding towards others, learning from our mistakes and growing through them, cultivating gratitude and contentment in all circumstances, and serving others without a need for reciprocation.

Oof.

That’s not always easy, especially in marriage or as a dad. But I’m learning how much humility deepens my relationship with God, as I acknowledge my dependence on Him and His wisdom—and that feels pretty awesome.

As we look back on Easter, may we be inspired by Jesus’ humble nature and strive to live with a humble heart, open to learning, serving, and growing.

Fold the laundry, feed the cats, do the gross thing nobody else wants to do, listen when you feel like talking, let others get the praise. You get the idea. Embracing humility can lead each of us to a more fulfilling, meaningful, and Christ-like life. And that sounds like a great thing!

Being a Dad to Older Kids is Weird

When I became a father for the first time, nearly 25 years ago, I wasn’t ready. I mean, my brain said I was ready and I know I was old enough, because I was nearly 30 years old. But despite having a great example of fatherhood in my own dad, I look back now and realize that I was completely, woefully, unprepared for what it meant to be a dad to a newborn baby girl.

It wasn’t the tasks or the chores. Robyn and I got that figured out pretty quickly, and one of the main rules still stands to this day: she handles blood and I handle barf. We split the rest as evenly as possible (there are a few things I could not do for Audrey, obviously). So it wasn’t really the “taking care of the newborn, fragile human” that was tough.

What was tough was the management of the emotions, the guarding the heart, the directing attention and focus. When we added three more to the fold, it became three times more challenging, because all four of them had their own ranges of emotions, their own ways of responding to tough times. None of them were the same, and there was no manual handed over that explained, “So, this is exactly what your newest addition needs when it comes to the non-physical care stuff.”

But at least when they are young, they listen. Because they kind of have to. It’s understood, when you’re little, that you have to listen to your parents when they speak to you. You may not like what they say, but you’ve gotta stand there and listen, darn it! And as a dad, I have to admit, the validation that comes from a child listening, responding, and thanking you for the sage wisdom you’ve just dispensed is awesome. I may not be the wisest man alive, but my kids think I am.

At least they used to. Now that three of the four are adults, I’m not so sure. Being a dad to older kids is weird. It’s not like it used to be, where they have to listen, you know they kind of have to respect you, and while they may not like everything you say to them, they really give you positive affirmations that the things you’re trying hard to do to help them be good humans is working.

My kids have turned out to be good humans. All four of them are genuinely nice, kind people. The are leaving a positive impact on the world, and I am proud of them.

But now, when I share my thoughts on why things are the way they are, how they can grow and be better, or even some spiritual advice on why God is working in a certain way in their lives–I don’t think they listen anymore. Oh, they “listen,” but I don’t think they entirely want to hear. And then I realize that when I was in my twenties I did the same thing to my awesome dad and then I just want to tell my own dad how sorry I am for the kind of jerky way I acted when I was in my twenties.

It’s weird because I can stand in front of an audience of strangers who want to hear my thoughts and ideas and they don’t dismiss me because of my age, or think to themselves, “Oh, he’s saying that again!” But in an audience of four kids, I can sense that sometimes they wish I would stop trying to share my wisdom and advice and just kind of let them figure it out.

Which is weird for me, because until recently, my entire job was to be there to help them figure it out. Figure out the Lego set or the recipe, figure out the tough part of the videogame or to find the right cord that they misplaced six months ago and suddenly can’t live without. You go from being very necessary, like a hand or a foot, to being more like a sock or glove–nice to have when you need it, but not super important on an every day basis.

So, to any dads out there struggling with feeling like parenting your kids has gotten weird, I get you. I feel like it’s getting better every day because they are getting older and starting to need my thoughts and advice again (on entirely new things like relationships and what to put on a resume or filing taxes). Sometimes they still look at me as if they’ve stopped listening hours ago, but they are at least paying a little more attention.

And maybe in another twenty years or so, when I’m nearing my dad’s age today, they will look back at all the stuff I said and did, from cleaning up the barf to showing how to mow a lawn or put air in the tires, and realize that I was pretty smart for an old man.

But, I’ll still be a dad to older kids–so who knows, maybe it will still just be weird.

Do Good.

I’ve been reading through the book of Galatians recently and while the letter from Paul is chock-full of fantastic theology (it was the rediscovery of this book that kickstarted Martin Luther’s 95 Theses and the Reformation), it was a simple reminder at the end that I needed to hear today:

“So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone.” (Galatians 6:10).

Doing good to everyone can mean a lot of things, and Paul was definitely thinking of the spiritual life as well as the everyday world we live in. As a Christian, I know that doing good should include praying for people, encouraging them in their faith, living a godly life–there are lots of things I should do to make sure I’m “doing good.”

But beyond the spiritual, the everyday life needs me to do good, too. My wife needs that. My kids need that. My coworkers need that. Doing good every day can be summed up in one word: kindness. Kindness is doing a selfless act without expectation of anything in return. It could be something big, like volunteering your time at a local charity, or something small, like holding the door open for someone or letting them go ahead of you in line. A simple act of kindness can make a big difference in someone’s day. It can brighten their mood, make them feel appreciated, and even inspire them to be kind to others. This leads to joy for you, joy for them—leaving ripples of kindness and joy around the world! (I call this #restingmerry, but you can call it whatever you’d like.)

Paul even makes sure we understand when we are supposed to do it: “As we have opportunity.” That is pretty much all the time. Doing good to others by showing kindness doesn’t need to be scheduled. It doesn’t need to fit into the calendar. Doing good when we can means we will do good as often as time allows, and time gives us plenty of opportunity. Here are a few ways to do good and show kindness:

• Smile at someone and say hello.
• Compliment someone on something they’ve accomplished.
• Write a thank-you note to someone just to tell them they are awesome.
• Offer to help out a friend or neighbor.
• Share an encouraging word or thought.
• Do the chore everyone else hates doing.

Remember : “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone.” (Galatians 6:10). In other words, be kind to everyone! Small acts of kindness can make a big difference in the world. And God knows the world needs everyone to do good to each other. It’s why He puts this reminder in the Bible, so we don’t forget.

Re-igniting the Spark of Creation

I deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone on the Day After Thanksgiving last year. I did it in response to a couple things. The official reason was so I could “rest merry” during the holidays out of a desire to spend more time focused on my family as my oldest daughter is getting married this year and it would be her last Christmas at home.

The unofficial reason? I had an unhealthy relationship with social media. It may not seem like it, as I my posts were always full of encouragement, reflections on my life (which is truly blessed beyond words), and a celebration of all the things I love.

But in reality, I was feeling creatively empty.

I was obsessing over creating new things for people to read on Facebook and what I could share to my stories on Instagram, trying to build a personal brand and following on LinkedIn–while I felt like I honestly had very little to say that was coming from me. The spark of creativity was nothing but a flicker, the fire of passionate creation a heap of smoldering embers, quenched by the need to “build my audience” on social media–which was a pretty empty thing, in fact.

Most of the people who I am friends with on Facebook? I have not seen the majority of them in 7 years. Of the nearly 2000 “friends” who I was trying to connect with, only a handful were people I still saw regularly and who actually knew me beyond my days as a pastor at two different churches in Seattle. The nearly 2000 connections on LinkedIn? I have met maybe 100 of them personally, and only a few of them have I worked with in the last two years. And if I didn’t hashtag enough Disney words on my Instagram, I couldn’t generate very much interest in my posts.

You get it. In my honest desire to share my creativity with the world, I was focusing on people who didn’t really know me anymore, if at all. And I was more concerned about connecting with these people than I was on listening to my heart and hearing what it had to say, what God was trying to say through me–and what He was trying to say to me. I was so busy trying to inspire others that I stopped being inspired. I stopped listening and hearing what He had to say to me and through me.

The last few months have been filled with introspection, journaling, and a lot of time in scripture. Really getting into my book Resting Merry for myself, and not so I could share it with people on Facebook was a big game changer for my enjoyment and appreciation of the holiday season. Digging into the book of Romans in the New Year has reminded me of the amazingness of God’s grace, my justification by faith that I did nothing to deserve, and my journal has been setting me up to blog regularly on the things I am learning. All of this has re-fired my imagination, re-igniting the spark of creation that went dormant, leaving me refreshed and inspired in a way I’ve not been in a very long time.

The spark is lit. What happens next?

Well, I hope you enjoy reading the blog. I would love if you subscribed to it. I am going to be posting here regularly, some long form writing and shorter content. The podcast is coming back to life again, because I finally feel like I have something to say. I’d be honored if you’d listen and share it. My RestingMerry newsletter is reawakening with purpose. You can subscribe to it, too, and get weekly updates on what I’m working on, where I’m speaking next, and a bit of the kind of content I used to share on Facebook. If you love my books, you you can follow me as an author here. My current best-seller is my guide to baptism for kids (which is why I’m working on a sequel).

God is doing something cool in my life, and having time to be quiet, to think about it more, to introspect before I try to put something out there has awakened some pretty great thoughts that I am excited to work on and share in the coming year. Honestly, there is some really great stuff in the works, and none of it would have been possible if I hadn’t walked away from social media. Will I go back? I’m not sure, because in the few months I’ve been without it, I’ve been able to focus on what matters most, rediscover my voice, and find inspiration I’ve needed.

What about you?

Is there something you need to give up to help you refocus? Have you ever given up something to reawaken your creativity or help you find your voice? Any great scripture you’ve turned to as you refocused? Please share in the comments!