A decade ago, my job as a dad meant driving kids to auditions, helping write essays, and making sure the youngest one ate something besides mac and cheese. Today, it feels more like I’m juggling streaming account passwords and student loan calculators while making sure we get time together at least once a week.
But one thing hasn’t changed since my kids were little: they still need me to show up. Not perfectly, but purposefully. As a father of four (now mostly grown) kids, I’ve learned a few things. Many of them the hard way.
And if I could go back and whisper something to 30-something-year-old me, it might sound like this list. It’s my personal Top Ten List of Things Parents Can Do to Help Their Children Succeed (or, how to raise kids that don’t suck). Today, the first three things I believe every parent can do to help their kids grow into strong, grounded, capable adults:
1. Be Present.
Not perfect. Present. Put down your phone. Pause the show. Look your kids in the eye and be there. It doesn’t always have to be a deep talk or a big moment. Sometimes just sitting in the same room while he rambles about what he did with his friends on Minecraft or what happened to her during her shift at Starbucks is enough.
They may not remember everything you said. But they’ll remember you were there.
2. Pray for Them. (And Let Them Hear You.)
Prayer isn’t a last resort. It’s the lifeline. Pray for their friendships, their decisions, their future spouses (or for the spouse of the one who is already married), their hearts. But also, let them hear you. A whispered blessing before you go to bed or a quick prayer before you send them off to work tells them two things: 1) God is real, and 2) You believe He’s involved in their story.
There’s something deeply anchoring about knowing your parents pray for you. It’s something they’ll carry into adulthood, and hopefully into parenthood themselves. (As someone who heard his parents pray for him, I’m telling you–this really matters.)
3. Say “I’m Sorry.”
Want to raise kids who own their mistakes and live with integrity? Model it. Say “I was wrong” when you mess up. Ask forgiveness. You won’t lose authority. You’ll gain trust. And you’ll teach them that grace lives where honesty does.
Kids don’t need flawless parents. They need humble ones. And they need you to do this as often as you mess up. Own it. Apologize for it. And don’t do it again.
These three may seem simple, but they lay a foundation for something lasting. I’ll be back next Friday with the next three on the list, so stay tuned. And if one of these hits home today, let me know which one and why. I’d love to hear your story too.
Duane S. Montague 